Eternity, Now

Originally uploaded by Munzerr

There's something about our way of life that makes every moment fleeting, moving... each moment becomes only a passageway to the next task or sensation. It's perhaps in our culture, that values work so highly, and the purchased sensation as the only legitimate pleasure. In this system, only the sensation that decays in time and must be re-purchased, is useful.

Hannah, Ben, Helen and I were discussing this as we walked at Moorlands on Sunday evening. Appropriately, sitting on a bench in that garden, I felt a little of the timelessness we were discussing.

'Eternity' doesn't sell (unless it has become only a label on a perfume bottle, or a precious stone). Those who step outside of the conveyor-belt culture may be seen as subversive, or sidelined by society in some way. Perhaps if such gurus can sell books, capitalism can salvage something (think the Dalai Lama)?

There's an experience we can feel today - even in this very moment - if we can be willing to displace our urgency; our 'to do list' for a while. If we can accept this moment as whole, and concentrate on being present, and noticing our surroundings... if we can do these things, then we can experience an 'eternity' that transcends the usual.

I believe that the 'celestial', the heaven that we look forward to... can be part of today - this moment. What will be different about that time, more than our states of mind? I've always loved this poem, entitled 'The Bright Field':


I have seen the sun break through
to illuminate a small field
for a while, and gone my way
and forgotten it. But that was the pearl
of great price, the one field that had
treasure in it. I realize now
that I must give all that I have
to possess it. Life is not hurrying

on to a receding future, nor hankering after
an imagined past. It is the turning
aside like Moses to the miracle
of the lit bush, to a brightness
that seemed as transitory as your youth
once, but is the eternity that awaits you.

R. S. Thomas

Hay 2009

The Town of Books
Originally uploaded by Munzerr

This year we had a lot further to go to get down to the little Welsh town of Hay-on-Wye for the latest installment of the Guardian Literary festival. As I'm sure everyone knows by now, students get free tickets for 5 events, so I was able to see Tobias Hill, Richard Madeley, Alain de Botton, Melvyn Bragg and Jeremy Paxman. All big names, and rather than last year's alignment of the stars with my literary interests, this year's speakers were very much middle-aged, middle-class interests, but the interest for me was to be able to see these familiar voices in the flesh, in the different format that often revealed something more human and three-dimensional than I was used to seeing.

I've never been much of a 'Richard and Judy' fan, but Richard spoke to Raj Persaud about the experiences that made it into his investigation of family history, called 'Fathers and Sons'. The experiences of his grandfather were particularly painful, going on from a 'double betrayal' where he was first abandoned by his family as a young teenager, and then disinherited from a farm he had worked for years to maintain under the promise of its eventual inheritance from his uncle. Richard traced the ripples of these painful experiences through to his father, and even to his own life. It sounds like a great read.

Another recommendation has to be for Alain de Botton's new book about 'work'. He visited a group of city accountants, a biscuit factory, a logistics company, and other important but under-exposed professions. Perhaps he received the most rapturous applause of the day, and managed to come across in an interesting and very funny manner across the whole hour (not an achievement matched so admirably by all!). Melvyn Bragg spoke about the latest instalment of his autobiographical works, which covered the difficult time leading to his first wife's suicide. He was hardly able to talk about the events themselves, and ended by simply producing a few words he'd prepared earlier. Even for the most articulate of us, it seems, there are some things that can be expressed only in the written, prepared sentence.

We missed our two little girls, being away overnight (Mum and Dad babysat), and it was a long drive back, but well worth the journey. For me, it's Disneyland - a whole day of thoughts, celebrity, insight, sunshine, books and conversation. Count me in for 2010!

Why I Oppose California's 'Proposition 8'

Now, I'm aware that this will be a controvertial or surprising post for some readers of my blog. I don't talk about my politics very often, as I'm aware of the deep feelings and traditions that many of my friends and family hold, and the last thing I want to do is offend or alienate them. However, this is a debate that has been called 'the most important issue of our generation', and I think that's not much of an exaggeration. For those of you who haven't come across this, 'Prop 8' was a ballot last autumn to define marriage in California as being exclusively between a man and a woman, and therefore, to stop same-sex couples from having their marriages recognised by the state (performed legally prior to the ballot), and future marriages from taking place.

For those of you who know me personally, you'll be aware that I'm a very happily married heterosexual man, and I'm a lifelong member of the LDS church which has actively and openly encouraged its members (in a rare political move) to work to help 'Prop 8' pass. I have no bias towards the minority group in question, nor do I even have many personal friends who are gay. That declared, you're probably still wondering why I oppose California Prop 8. Here we go:

I believe strongly that the 'church' and the 'state' should be kept separate. In wider terms, that means that I feel that the two institutions have very different (and both important) jobs that they should stick to. In my opinion, it is the job of the state to defend our civil liberties and rights. The state should oppose bigotry, violence and the oppression of minority groups by the majority. As far as possible, the state should work to afford the greatest liberty to the greatest number of people, thus allowing everyone to live as their conscience dictates. The state legislates to establish and protect these liberties. The job of the church, by contrast (and with 'the church' I include all institutions working for similar good causes) is to encourage and aid citizens and members of their organisations (who ascribe to their specific principles) to live positive and productive lives - to help those around them and to find personal satisfaction within the liberty that the state has afforded them. To summarise: in my opinion, the state should legislate to protect freedoms, and the church should teach and encourage in order to aid citizens and members in their quest for personal happiness and fulfilment.

The problem comes when these two roles become mixed up. In such a case (and this has been the case with Prop 8) the church, feeling threatened, desires the state to legislate on its behalf in order to enshrine in law principles that it holds as being important (ie. marriage exclusively between a man and a woman). The problem? This reduces the liberties of another group that thinks differently. In this case, the church has sought to enforce its beliefs and restrict the liberties of others through legislation. Although the church may think that it has safeguarded a God-given principle, there can be no virtue in living a moral law because it is enforced. If 'gay marriage' being made illegal reduces the number of 'gays' in the next generation of children, this will not be thanks to the children using their freedom to choose.

I fully support the rights of the church to exercise their free speech, and to teach and encourage everyone to live according to its doctrines. But, in my opinion, the long-held position of the church, to avoid entering into political questions in all but the most rare occasions, has been a valuable asset. 'Prop 8' saw the church turn away from this strong position, and enter into territory that, in my opinion, is unjustified. Supporters of 'Prop 8' claim that the legislation will have a long-term effect on 'defending' the traditional definition of marriage, yet I feel confident that the arc of history will continue to lean towards freedom. It is right that every human being should, as far as is possible, be able to live according to his (or her) conscience, and be free to express himself as fully as he sees fit. He should be able to live the life he believes is best. That is a right that I often have taken for granted, but I am immensely grateful for.

Which leads me to why I have felt so strongly about this whole issue. I hear the terrible and sad stories of gay and lesbian people who feel that they live in a society that does not fully accept them for the way they feel they are made to be. Proposition 8 has hit such a nerve in America because it does matter - hugely. Boiled down, it is about a group who feel that they have a responsibility to dictate the definition a cultural institution (marriage), and use that definition to exclude a minority group. This action reinforces all the feelings of alienation and rejection that the minority group felt before this. The message from the church is clear: "this is our marriage institution, and you can't have it!". It's about defining one of the most powerful and central pieces of language in our society. Words can be more powerful than bullets - and supporters of 'Prop 8' have set up a machine gun nest to defend what they see as being their society.

I believe that we should try to work from positions of love and inclusion, not fear and exclusion. We should work to find ways to extend the freedoms, freedoms of expression and rights of all human beings. We should not be so concerned to 'defend' our position (a selfish and inward-looking motion), and instead, try to look outward, and embrace those who want to take part in the best and most sacred instutions of our society. There will, of course, be difficulties in making these changes - but can't we all agree to work towards these ideals?

The LDS church knows what it is to have its definition of marriage placed outside the law. The church suffered years of imprisonment and exclusion, until it could no longer practise the beliefs it held to be 'celestial' and 'eternal'. The LDS church should, more than any other institution, work to encourage the state to 'allow all men the same privilege'[s], to worship or, indeed, marry 'how, where or what they may.' (see LDS 'Article of Faith' #11). I feel a responsibility as a member of humanity to speak out, to try to promote these freedoms.

I choose to live my life as I see fit, and to marry the person I love. I feel that these 'rights' are essential to my happiness and wellbeing. Therefore, I want to see these freedoms enjoyed by all. Who wouldn't? One day, in America, in the LDS church and everywhere, I believe and hope this will take place. Please speak up too, and let the world know if you feel the same things.

Story of Stuff: How Things Work, About Stuff

What a great video, shared with me by my friend Tamara. We've got to find ways to increase the sustainability of our lifestyles, and encourage our governments to represent us in pressuring big business to do the same. Let's save the world!

The Things We Eat…

I was recently impressed with a post on my brother-in-law’s blog, inviting his friends and family to join him in supporting Sports Relief by losing 50 pounds, and giving a pound for each of the lbs lost to help those who are in need. I’ve felt for a while that I have a few pounds to lose, and so Richard’s initiative gave me the inspiration I needed to get started with the healthy lifestyle I’ve wanted for ages.

Luckily, just as I was about to get started (and made a pretty rubbish spreadsheet to track my food intake/exercise burn, etc) Helen suggested that I look on the internet for a tool that someone else might have made to help track my foods. A quick Google search, and a few forum recommendations later, I’d found SparkPeople. Now, I know you’re going to click on this link and think it looks like a cheesy dieting website, which I’m sad to say, is at least partly right. The main target audience is obviously not the demographic I fit within. But the primary tools of the website have been really useful as I’ve begun to educate myself about nutrition and healthy living, and there’s a load of interesting articles and recipes there to use… which has helped with my joint-project of learning to cook some healthy foods for myself!

The main tool of the website is a nutrition tracker, where you plug in your regular foods, and you can enter individual components of your meal. The database has all the nutritional information stored in there, so it tots up your calories, as well as your proportion of carbs, proteins and fats. It also can track all manner of other nutrients, which can be quite enlightening… there are so many elements needed to keep your body ticking.

So, 8 days since I started, and I’ve gone from 12 stone 13lbs to 12 stone 8, a drop of 5lbs, and the most in-shape I’ve been since my mission (I went up to 14 stone at one point when Helen was pregnant with Cara). I know the first bit comes off easiest, so I’m moving on from the heavy cardio exercise (running mainly) and calorie counting to working on building muscle. I’ve got myself a pull-up bar (can do 10 so far…), and with the fierce competition of my two free-running brothers, I’m confident I’ll be monkey-strong before the summer is out.

The bottom line: I can’t believe I went so long being so uninformed about what is good and bad for my body. I feel so much better in myself after only a week of eating properly and exercising hard. Who knows what benefits I’ll gain over years?

Richard – I’ll be adding the pounds up for your Plan! Thanks for the inspiration.

Andy's Got the Fish Factor

Swimming Together
Originally uploaded by Munzerr

I'm suprised I haven't blogged about this already, but I've been quite interested recently in some new pets that we've been preparing for in our house: a tank of tropical fish! It all started with a goldfish bowl we found in our cupboard when we moved into our rented house here in York; left by the previous occupants. I thought it would be good for us to have some little pet, for Cara to learn about caring for living things. I thought a goldfish might be a good option... and then I did some research on the internet. As it turns out, goldfish are some of the messiest fish you can possibly keep. The least humane way they can possibly be kept is in a goldfish bowl - so, back to the drawing board we went. I managed to find a decent sized tank (2 foot by 1 foot) on ebay for cheap, and we did our research about how to prepare the environment best for the little inhabitants.

A month of daily water tests later, and everything was ready, so on Friday I finally drove down to one of our local fish shops, and bought six of their 'Glass Bloodfin Tetras' that Helen liked when we visited before. Now they're all in the tank, and swimming around happily. They're beautiful to watch, and fascinating to observe in their little behaviours and individual personalities (already showing through)!

Helen and I just finished watching the final of 'The X Factor' 2008. The perfect antidote; what I really needed, was to come downstairs and say hello to our six little Tetras. We're sure glad to have found out how nature has what it takes to balance the cultural contortions of reality TV in the twenty-first century!

Thoughts While Walking

A Sunday's Walk
Originally uploaded by Munzerr

I've recently been inspired by my watching the films of the Bavarian film director Werner Herzog, who made such fantastic movies as 'Aguirre, the Wrath of God', 'Fitzcarraldo', 'Rescue Dawn', and (perhaps most famously) 'Grizzly Man'. I like directors who can be described as an 'Auteur', and Herzog is perhaps the strongest of the strong when it comes to personal identity in film. I thoroughly recommend that you go and watch anything/everything that he made.

When I was visiting the British Library reading room in Boston Spa the other week, I had the opportunity to look at a book that he wrote (quite hard to get hold of) in the winter of 1974. The story goes that he received news that his good friend and famous film critic Lotte Eisner was on her death bed in Paris. Herzog felt that her death could not happen at this time, such was her significance to German cinema and himself. He wrote that he would 'walk against death'; that he knew that if he set off walking from Munich, she would be alive when he reached Paris.

His journey was during one of the most bitter winters Europe experienced. Every entry seems to catalogue another day of freezing wind, rain and snow. He broke into holiday homes many nights to shelter when he could. Other nights he slept under a bridge. He wrote in his little notebook about people he met, and the reactions they had towards this sombre looking man, soaked to the bone, on some strange quest.

When he arrived in Paris on December 14, 1974, Eisner was, against all the odds, still alive. Herzog tells that she lived many years more, and later joked with him about the 'spell' he had cast on her, so she could not die. He replied in jest on that occasion, 'I hereby remove the spell'. Two weeks later, she passed away.

I myself was captured by the powerful concept of 'walking against death'. The faith that is encapsulated in this idea is impressive; a confidence in the ability of the efforts of mankind to change the forces of mortality. Walking itself isn't, however, just an arbitrary signal of this faith. There's something about putting one foot in front of the other on the earth that connects us to the foundations of what it means to be human. It connects us to our nomadic forefathers, and separates us from the animals we see around us. We stand on our two feet, and we walk - or do we? How often will we decide to walk somewhere in our own city, compared with taking the car?

I've been trying to change my habits a little since reading Herzog, to try to experience what made him claim that walking will teach a student more than any school or qualification. He said that if he were to open a film school, he would make his students walk (for example) from Madrid to Kiev, and write their thoughts while walking. He said that looking at their notebooks when they arrived, he would know which students had really walked, for they would know the most important things about making films. I suspect that he means some knowledge about ourselves and humanity, that we experience while walking.

As I walk, my mind starts to wander. Thoughts come more freely and easily, and make sometimes surprising connections. It's something like being in a dream. Other times, I get ideas about things I'd like to be doing. Remarkably, these ideas always seem to be more pure and correct than I have at other times. Perhaps the distance from distractions mean that I can sift the truly important from the superfluous? I'm not sure - but I know it's been a truly revelatory experience for me so far, and one that I'm going to make a priority to continue.

The York to John O'Groats Big Bike Ride

Three Cyclists
Originally uploaded by Munzerr

On Saturday, Dad and my brothers Joe and Ben set off from the family home in York, at the beginning of their epic bike ride that will take them a thousand miles in less than ten days - York to the top of Scotland, and back. I think it was originally Ben's idea, and Dad was always going to be on board. Thirty years ago he did the same ride on his own: a little longer, even; from Hull to John O'Groats and back. Joe signed up to the expedition only a couple of weeks ago, but his thinking is that if Dad can do it, then so can he. Of course, nothing's certain, and Dad and Ben have been in training for a good month in preparation for the trip.

Mum has been driving along with them, meeting up with them every night, having set up the tent for them at a campsite a hundred miles up the road. So far we're at the end of day three, which should see them halfway up the highlands of Scotland. The weather has been atrocious down here in York ever since they set off, so I can only hope things have been better for them, or they've become accustomed to riding up giant hills with rain pounding at their backs for ten hours a day.

Seriously, though, I'm envious of the adventure they're having. It's surely a wonderful thing to all be going such a long way together, and to see the sights of the beautiful North of this island. Good luck to them all, and I'll update you again when they reach 'the summit'!